TOXIC POSITIVITY 'The Dark Side Of Positive Vibes'
- Inner Compass
- Feb 11, 2022
- 3 min read
While refilling your coffee mug in the office break room, a coworker vulnerably shares with you that his dog passed away the previous week. Further, last night he found out his wife has cancer, and he feels as though he may soon lose his job.
You respond, “Think positive thoughts.” Thinking positive thoughts will not help his situation. In fact, these words have now worsened his situation because they invalidated his emotions. This exchange has now ended because this individual is no longer invited to discuss his concerns.
Toxic positivity is positivity given in the wrong way, in the wrong dose, at the wrong time. Says David Kessler, a grief expert.
Can positive thinking be a bad thing? Is there such a thing as too much positivity?
There are a lot of things in life, simple and little things, that can make us feel positive and happy. From a good book and warm cup of coffee to spending time with your friends and even getting a good sleep on a Sunday morning. Positive vibes and energy make us feel better about ourselves and help us navigate through the ups and downs of life.
But when you focus on “Good vibes only” and “No drama”, then ironically it can lead to negative vibes and a lot of drama. Happiness is a great thing to pursue, but when you try too hard it can become pretty harmful. Positivity can be good for well-being...as long as we’re not using it to avoid or suppress negative emotions. Then, it can become toxic.
It is only by truly acknowledging our real emotions, whether happiness or depression, we can grow, evolve and experience happiness as it is meant to be.
How to Combat Toxic Positivity:
1. Communicate your feelings
A 2018 study by the University of Texas showed that people who bottle up their emotions actually end up being more aggressive, as keeping the negative energy inside resulted in emotional outbursts later on. Try reaching out to a loved one and telling them how you are feeling — and in return, listening when they need to vent.
2. Invest in a gratitude journal
Rather than forcing happiness by reading motivational quotes or trying to “stay positive,” keeping a gratitude journal can help you reflect on the good things in your life and develop an actual positive mindset.
3. Limit your time online
A 2018 study by the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology showed that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day can greatly improve emotional well-being. Staying in the present can not only limit exposure to toxic positivity memes, but can also beget genuine happiness.
4. Practice Deep Acting
Deep acting is the practice of aligning your mood and temperament with how you actually feel, rather than employing a “fake it until you make it” philosophy and displaying a cheery affect no matter what.
For example, someone who is surface acting would respond with “good” and smile when asked how their day is going, even if they were having a bad day. Someone who is deep acting would respond honestly and say, “to be honest, I’m feeling stressed today, thank you for asking” when asked the same question. During studies done in the workplace, those who employed deep acting were offered more emotional support and got more done.
Conclusion:
Being a healthy human being involves being conscious of ourselves and how we show up in the world. If you recognize yourself as a transmitter of toxic positivity, it’s time to cut it out.
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